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Most Toilets Flush in E-Flat: Chewing the Fat on a Useless Fact
As for the useless fact “Most toilets flush in E-Flat,” no one should be offended. With my tongue in my ear, I will bubble through the interrelationships of concepts, words, musical notes, my musically inactive mind and the placement of these patterns in different octaves through the experiential record of a failed musician.
“Most toilets flush in E-Flat,” I was curious. So much so that I had to hear it in real life; even though I consider myself deaf.
Out of curiosity, my husband asked me if there was something wrong with the dressers in the house. “Why are you flushing non-stop? Is there something wrong with the plumbing?”
I’m a chicken. I didn’t give him a direct answer. “I don’t know,” I muttered, “I’m trying to find out.”
Fortunately, he did not persist. “Tell me if anything goes wrong,” he mumbled absently, clicking his true love, the TV remote.
I blushed again and thoroughly reconsidered the process. I tried to enjoy the sound while remembering the parts in E-Flat. Beethoven’s Sonata in E flat major, the first movement dominated by three descending notes, the repetition of a motif with the expression of emotion throughout the sonata, but Beethoven is like that. But I didn’t hear any Beethoven here in the bathroom.
“Think of the chords,” I told myself. I had a piano teacher who was educated in France. He never called notes like A, B, C, etc., but called them by strange names like do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, si, which added to my musical ineptitude.
When I talk about playing an instrument, I still ask myself, why? Isn’t listening to music on a CD player much easier? If push came to shove and I was the ambitious sort, I’d probably want to be in front of the real music makers, the instrument players, and act important, wave a stick in the air. Who in this world does not want to feel important?
Despite all my musical difficulties, I eventually learned to appreciate major chords because I am a positive person, even when it comes to playing the piano. Plus I loved the C major chord. Besides sounding happy, playing the C major chord was easy. But not minor and E flat major.
My teacher would probably say mee beh-mole to E-duro. Once the correct pattern of whole and half steps is achieved, the E major scale contains three flats, B flat, E flat, and A flat. All these flats, which make me think of slum flats, give the scale a low, slightly solemn, but still happier tone than a minor chord.
Many symphonies in E flat major are loud with mournful passages in between. Sibelius’ Symphony No. 5 or Haydn’s Drum Roll, even better Shostakovich. I love any symphony that begins with great gusto and energy and goes straight to the heart without hesitation. Otherwise, I don’t like loud as overbearing, but loud enough with energy. I like short fantasies in between to break up the monotony and add color. Hey, I may not have proven myself as a piano player, but don’t you think I at least mastered the language?
At one point in my flushing experiments, when I thought of the symphony, I turned on the faucet and drummed my fingers on the bathroom counter. No, not quite. I didn’t really hear E-flat.
Then I remembered an article in my son’s archeology magazine. Unlike his mother, my son has a good ear and is skilled at playing the guitar. The article stated that archaeologists in Ireland had unearthed a prehistoric musical instrument, or the pipes of such an instrument. Initial experiments proved that one of the notes produced by these taps was E-Flat. “E-Flat is a common pitch for many ancient Irish horns,” the article states.
Yes, Irish music…after all, wasn’t Irish music aristocratic, confident, yet sometimes sad? I googled “Irish E-Flat Music.” This was more to do with sociomusicology, if there is such a thing, or perhaps musico-sociological factors, but I think I hit something here.
I probably didn’t hear E-flat due to my hearing loss or lack of knowledge, but I could recognize the words. They were suggestive. They had bounce and swirl.
This is what I found: “Give us a minute” Traditional Irish Bagpipes Irish Jig E-Flat Major and
Irish bagpipe ballad “The Water is wide” E flat major. They were dealing with water and pipes, and flushing takes a whole minute. I know because I timed it.
Another article found on Google said, “It doesn’t matter what key the music is written in, what matters is the range of the instrument… Some instruments are made in E-Flat, such as the E-Flat trumpet, the E-Flat Clarinet and E-Flat Saxophone.”
I mentally added “E-Flat dresser” to the list. Well, why not? Isn’t it a fact that “most toilets flush in E-Flat”?
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